Being 13 🙂 : Family or Friends

Lots of emotions behind this though...😪

GRACE SPEAKS🙂
"You must not leave this house and nobody should knock on this gate in the name of looking for you, if anybody does, don't open it. Did you hear me?" Well, that was my dad as he bellowed with a stern face, emphasising on how grave the consequences would be if I disobeyed. "Yes daddy", I mumured...then my mum in her high pitched voice would add hers "Did you hear your father? Nobody should come here and you must not leave". In my mind, I was already strategising my movements...heaven and earth shall pass away but baby boy1 (remember him? 😂😂) must come and see me oo or I'll go to my friend's house that was just a stone throw from my own house.

My mum always wanted me to learn to love my family, not like I didn't oo, just that some how i didn't know how to express it without looking weird. I didn't talk much as long as i was at home. I chose staying in my room fantacising about a lot of things or sleeping or listening to 92.5 dream fm on the radio over watching TV with everyone in the living room and the consequence always had to be my mum breaking down my door...she literally kicked the whole thing down...like the entire door hit  gbim! on the floor😂💔

She tried as much as she could to get the fact that blood is thicker than water into my head and any other relationship out their wasn't as important as any relationship i felt i had outside. All that one was shaa not entering my head because i really didn't understand. Nobody was writing me letters in the house, nobody was telling me I LOVE YOU, nobody in the house understood when i was having mood swings, nobody kissed my forehead and said I had beautiful eyes, nobody was giving me that kind of attention and the was definitely what my 13 year old brain thought love was all about.

All the while i thought mum was just being jealous so i ignored her and my dad's teachings about the love of God first and then family. I continued to sneak out and sneak baby boy1 in. They never caught him in the house but some times, while i was out, my mum or dad came in earlier than expected from work to meet my absence, of course they knew there was just one place I would be so they'd wait and some how my guts would give me signals that its time to leave and I'll hurry home to my mom fuming.

Now here's the thing, if my mom was the one waiting for me, no matter how angry she was, she wouldn't do anything, but if it happens so often that she couldn't take it anymore, she'd report to my dad and I'll receive the beating of my life. If my dad was the one waiting for me? Haq! Y'all already know Dr U.S.A naaa 😂😂😂, anyways, that was only once and guess what? As a man who doesn't have time for hanky pankies, my gee just locked the gate and went back to work with the key.

That day baa? Hey God 😭 I wept my eyes balls out. I sat in front of the gate crying and crying, not because I was locked out oo, but because I just couldn't phantom what my dad would do to me when he got back. My mum got back from work and opened the gate, keeping a normal countenance like all was well. Haaaeeewwww, I just carried my heart in my hands and went inside the house.

My dad returned from work later that night and when I heard the sound of his car making its way into the house, i ran upstairs to my room and stayed there. My heart raced, when i heard his voice, I almost passed out. I was so scared, I struggled to breathe. He had his dinner and when he was sure every one had retired to their separate rooms, he yelled my full name. "Udu Grace!!!" Aahhhhhhh....I jumped up and hurried to his room, colliding with almost every piece of furniture I came across on this short journey to my doom😩💔

"So you have decided to be a disobedient child, you left the gate open for all the arms robbers in the state to raid...Idiot! I will call you an Idiot since you have decided to be one...criminal, armed robber"...Next thing was canes and wires and anything else within his reach, landing one after the other on several parts of my body. He beat me so much, i couldn't cry anymore. "Get out of my room!"...and i hurried out to go and sob on my bed till i slept.

For the rest of the week, I didn't go anywhere, my dad wouldn't respond to my greetings and somehow, since its a big house, I tried my best to avoid the big man till the whole tension was down and soon everything was back to normal and I continued to sneak out, trying my best to be smarter about it, i was caught a couple more times and flogged too but all that didn't matter to me as long as i had my moments with my friends.
Now I'm a lot older and I am at liberty to go wherever I want to, but here's the issues, I'm not so eager to go anywhere anymore.Considering all the things i have seen in the name of friendships and all the bullshit I've had to experience (which as a matter of fact inspired one of my blog posts "MY SPACE" ).

I have come to love my family a lot and as blessed as I am, I have a great extended family too, my cousins look out for me as if their life depends on it which of course is not so common in our contemporary society today.

Dear reader, don't get me wrong, i am not saying you shouldn't have friends...Proverbs 18:24, I love the way the New American Standard Bible (NASB) puts it, "A man of too many friends comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother".

The problem with squads with numerous membership is, within your gees, your paddies, your home boys/girls, there are branches, smaller squads or cliques that really do not have your interest at heart. You really don't want to go through that heart break of discovering that pesin wey you fit swear say im dey for you no deal even reason your matter. Once I've been in a room and my "friend" went to the next room to talk about me. These same "friends" are the ones who make terrible impressions about you to strangers, making you gain haters you didn't bargain for and sometimes at the end of the day you don't even get a chance to make things right.

I really don't want to dwell so much on the evil people do in the name of friendships cos that is a very long and painful path to thread, I just want to say that you should stick to a smaller circle, try to understand you are going on this ship with a whole different person with a different background and try to make sacrifices whilst making sure you don't lose yourself in the process.

Finally, LOVE! Love wouldn't let you do hurtful things. Geniune love wouldn't let you back stab, gossip or do any sort of hurtful thing even in the face of fall outs. Let love lead, and just like the golden rule reads...DO UNTO OTHERS AS YOU WILL HAVE THEM DO TO YOU!

KRYSTAL SPEAKS ☺:
Please note!!!! My story today might seem clumsy. My dear even me I am writing it how I feel inspired to, so enjoy😚.

Most teenagers have been faced with the difficult choice of choosing family or friends.
  At this age (teenage years) you love your family but you really want to be with your friends (for some people, not everyone). This is because you want to socialize, fit in, not seem like the weirdo among your peers and stuff like that but at the same time your parents are just trying to put all your hormones and energy that you want to pour everywhere, caged. Hence the restrictions here and there.

  When I was 13 unlike today's kids, I didn't have a phone that could even do 2go😂. So I could never relate when we would resume school (I was a boarding student) and people would be like "ahhhhh Sarah can chat ehnnn!!!!!!!" Or "please who is KingLos113" or "angelluna33 is senior Jessica, nawa oooo she's so beautiful, uniform dey destroy beauty" and other trending 2go stories.  2go gist was too spicy and hot when school resumed and I believed my father hated me because I was neither on Facebook or 2go.

  I tried all I could to join but I resigned to my fate and called the few people I could during the holidays with the 100 naira credit he would drop and dey my dey (stay on my own) till school resumed.

  When I was in Ss2, during second term holiday I came back home to meet a blackberry bold 5 (yass people, that's how star do😌) think back and remember how big bold 5 was then you'll know that for someone who didn't have a reasonable phone to move to that level, it was hugeeee upgrade.

  My dad asked me for certain personal details earlier on one faithful day and I supplied him (Because I didn't know the phone was mine). Lo and behold!! he came back home, called me and gave me a piece of paper with my email and Facebook details and the passwords, then the phone💃💃

  Guyyyyssssssss you know me and my Anya nmiri (tears) everywhere,I was so emotional. He showed me how he had added a few ACSS students (my secondary school people) and some of my relatives including himself and my mummy.

  Ladies and Gentlemen, I felt so big I didn't even see the need to join 2go, I went phewwwwwww to Facebook then later to WhatsApp but WhatsApp was still dry and all you could do was change your status and display picture 100 times a day😂. I was chatting day and night and sometimes sleeping by the extension in my room (because Blackberry battery dey die like mad🤦). All was well and the day my then boyfriend (refer to the previous story for the GP tank boy) posted my picture on his Facebook wall, ahhhhhhh I was a certified mainchick dears and my position in his life was reassured.

  I never had to choose between my family and friends but choosing the phone that connected me to Friends over made feel like I was choosing my friends over my family.
   My parents didn't always let me go out back then and now in recent times I am glad they didn't! Because when you find out how cruel world people can be, you'd rather stick with what you already know and are used too. In order words, at 13 I was choosing social media (inevitably friends) over my parents who gave me that access.

   It was no surprise that my father seized that phone till the day I finished WAEC and NECO finally and came home to prepare for my graduation. He didn't even let me do the usual sleepover a day before graduation in school and my soul ached when the principal called them when it got to my brothers turn and said it was compulsory and they kitted my guy with a clean andriod, cash and dropped him in our clean ride😭 (ayam nor jealous 😄 beht why did they not allow me😩 during my own time). I came to school to meet plenty gist that graduation day and I was yanked home immediately after the ceremony had ended.

   Talking with my daddy later, he said the day he handed over those passwords to me, he forgot them immediately; I personally confirmed when he wanted to unlock the phone and he called me and even called a friend in my University to ask me for the blackberry passwords. He said he saw me as the child friends could easily push so he felt keeping me away from them as much as he could was a better option.

   I felt monitored at some point so I was low-key super cautious because they would even seize my phone to read my chats and see the people I was talking to. This routine got me into countless counselling sessions, questioning sessions and yes Trouble!!! Because when the unexpected is found and you have no explanation for why you are just 13 or 14 and you are telling another person's son that you love him... Haq😂😂😂😂, you will explain yourself that day.

    Their mode of correction was what I never found funny and if they saw chats with a fellow girl where I would tell her every single detail my mum would scream and say in Igbo "you don't know how wicked people are Mama!!! Stop telling them these things". I'll get into the betrayal someday but of course it didn't land me in a good place.
   Truth is no matter how we see it, there are some mistakes we can almost never come back from and even if we do, we would be terribly injured and we'd have to live with the scars for a long time.

 A disastrous friendship is that kind of mistake and every 13 year old needs to form friendships that would last for life or be good and sincere for whatever duration it lasts but we need to understand that you can't choose friends over family neither can you choose family over friends. There's really no need placing one above the other when we need both.
 Some True friends are even closer than family when you find them.

   Some aren't so lucky to have a closely knitted family and some parents don't even try to be there so they have their friends. Even the Bible recognizes that there is a friend that is closer than a brother but you need at least 80% sincerity in a friendship to get that. Your parents and siblings should know your friends and your friends should know them too. Keeping both in your corner would really help!

   I am using my social media story because I wasn't allowed to go out and I didn't live in places where plenty people in my school lived (like Kubwa) where they could all visit each other, upload on Facebook and tag each other. I was just the girl asking for all the details of the visit from her phone and watching the pictures with smiles and blushes (if it was my guy😎). Lirru deviation but he had this profile picture were he wore this pair of dark shades and did the peace sign  (positioning his hand like a scissors about to cut lace material) and everyone was liking and commenting. I made that picture my screensaver for a while till I took one picture of my sisters that was cute and man had to go😂 (byebye to yeye boyfriend!!!)😂😂😂😂 I don't mean it like that shaaa. I always craved for the feeling of deep "visit me I visit you" friendships which didn't really happen, but when I decided to pray and seek out good friendships, I met people in the most unlikely ways that have been great friends to me. My parents even appreciate the kind of friends they've been and would always ask "What about so so and so.... That your friend? How is he or she doing?" and it goes on that way.

   The young teen does not have to destroy family values or become evil to find brotherhood's, sisterhood's or friendships that will stand the test of time, neither do you have to isolate yourself from the world and deal with only your family. A fine balance between the two, proper separation of power😂 (maybe not power exactly) and understanding will help you maintain love and obedience with your parents and still have friendships you'll always enjoy.

   I see Grace and some of her friends Jessica Obasiabara, Achi and co. I don't know so much but some of them call themselves brothers, visit each other as early as 6am to eat breakfast at the other person's house and Beautiful stuff like that. Omiko and Elizabeth have one of the best friendship groups in school (actually they're all sisters by choice🥰); OY, NoraChukwu, Abigail, Ituma mama, Uche then add Omiko and Elizabeth to the equation again.
   I'm so sorry for calling names but these are a few sisterhood's I admire😍💖💎.

    Family love is there but the guidance and love of true friends is also there and both are necessary for everyone to have. I only had family and school mates as a teen; there were friends a bit close but not exactly the 5&6 type and if I could redo my teenage friendships, I would do so much better with my choices. Nevertheless I'll be 20 soon and I'm proud that so far I have greatly improved with my choice of friends, I know the balance  between friends and family, and I am glad I have them both in my life🥰.

    I also know that mummy and daddy were not screaming for nothing (I have experiences to prove that) and I'm forever grateful they set me straight early😊.