Being 13: Peer Pressure
KRYSTAL SPEAKS:
So while everyone started Ss1 as 13-year-olds, I turned 13 when ss1 was already finishing (please I am Nigerian so if I write high school instead of senior secondary school, you gotta understand) that was by the third term. I was one of the youngest if not the youngest in the class and it somehow made everyone make jokes about me being a small girl.
I can’t say I had any direct peer pressure experience, but I was just the one who noticed my surroundings and became aware of what was happening in my school. I didn’t really have friends at home or church so school was that major point for me. I don’t know why but almost everyone even Js1 students wanted to date; like being in relationships. I found it troubling but after the first term, it seemed supernormal that once two people like themselves, they should immediately commence dating.
Our early relationships led to so much bad blood over time, body exploration, broken hearts, unnecessary trauma, DRAMA!!!!!!!!!!!! (God have mercy because people were already fighting for a man with their juniors, seniors and mates!!!! And guys were bullying people on top of infatuation.
It is well sha), lack of focus on so many levels, rebellion and well for some, good times. The thing is because everyone made relationships seem normal, friendships or attractions that could’ve been left that way were transformed to something so huge, bonding and intertwining.
The burden to be constantly responsible for another person's happiness as a young teen was the trend and I lowkey feel like my surrounding unconsciously pressured me into believing that the only way to handle attraction to someone you like was to go dating that person. Well, no one is to blame even me; all of us in that environment were simply doing what we thought was right and what seemed alright with us.
As a boarding student, it was lowkey pertinent to resume school hot, fresh and completely swaggered up. It was not in the school handbook but my diaaaaa by the time social night comes and you see different earrings other than the approved full stop, beautiful scarfs and bandana or Vandana, makeup, hoodies, fancy slippers, limited to shape clothes, exhibit clothing and lots more, you that are planning to wear day dress and tie white pillowcase (my school didn’t even give new students the courtesy of telling them to buy white scarfs for their Sunday chapel white/ well chapel wear) will feel as if its not the same school fees that were paid for all of you.
Leggings and cool hostel clothes, bum shorts and pretty singlets, things that were not supposed to matter suddenly became an issue for me and although I was never one to put effort into my appearance, I was forced to because my man wee start considering the people that are wearing long earring and leggings (kai!! I didn’t she have sense o) if I didn’t.
So I went home after ss1 first term holiday and told my mum I needed a wardrobe change. Well, she saw some of my demands as genuine like leggings: my mum still believes (which is TRUE) that it will shield my legs from mosquitos that bite during prep. The fancy socks and leggings were also for that purpose but she had a problem with the makeup and it's funny because even till today I can’t rub lipgloss well so imagine me battling with Kajal just to fit in and have my eyes all dark and “seductive/attractive”.
Academics were also hot in my school. Sometimes the purpose or motivation for reading was so that even if it was best in catering, you will carry and show your parents on speech and prize-giving day let it not be as if your head is empty. Exam periods and tests were so serious. Forget all that relationship drama, people knew when it was time to put in the work and only the foolish still kept their soul bare while others warmed it up to win prizes. Now, this type of pressure legit helped me!!!
I can never forget my class girls and all the seniors in ss2 back then because the seriousness was just too much from them. I might have ended up being a bit lax if not for their ginger and I’m grateful I flowed with that tide; so the word peer pressure cannot be judged to be entirely bad.
Thank God I was not in the craze to meet up with fashion, but there is a possibility that there were some who would pack even clothes precious for home use, to wear in the hostel and feel like they had so much (I don’t know but there could've been such people) simply because of the pressure around them.
The thing with peer pressure is that it either happens knowingly or unknowingly so parents and adults warned us to be careful of communication. Funny, but I had good company so that's why I still believe I made most of my choices with my chest (I mean mind hahaha). I knew girls that were told back then to “Haba, he likes you like added, just date him na “ and that’s why they have a couple of regrets today. Some had the whole “your check (daywear) is too big, slim fit it na !” and they fell into the claws of people like Osy bebe; no matter what it was, a lot of us took some decisions at 13 because we felt it was okay with the status quo, we felt there were people around us it was working for, we felt that choice would still permit us to fit in and be cool, or we simply did it because our surrounding made us comfortable enough to make that choice or those choices.
Peer pressure never died and will never because as long as you have peers, there will be pressure and the suggestion to do what everybody is doing. The more you grow and as you follow Grace and me through this journey, you’d discover that even when you are 80 and you think most of your mates are dead, sick or bedridden, there will still be peer pressure.
Could be good or bad, and no matter how it is, even succumbing to the good ones could be unhealthy for your soul for that might not be the road the universe has designed that you tread upon so extreme caution needs to be taken at all times. Your actions need to come from your chest (why do I like saying this thing abeg?? Haqqq)
Don’t blame it on the alcohol or smoke sweetie; this is what older people do. Be able to blame yourself and live knowing that you made your choice, you chose your path and you are responsible for every one of your actions. I really get that there are things beyond our control, but we all know that even as children under 10 or 12, we had the manipulative power and self will that still helped us control certain situations so we can still try and just let the rest be handled by God while watching to see what the universe has in store for us.
I am not a guy so I do not have boy stories to tell, but I shared practical stuff and now that I am the road to 20, I know better than to think that what works for everyone will work for me. I still cannot make up so that should tell you that you just have to do stuff by your passion and design; no rush, no pressure, just happiness and living fully will help you get there. Everyone knows what they really want and it's okay not to even know and I learn that every day. Just follow the safe part and let me stop here so I do not start sounding like the acquire to perspire and retire to fire the kaya of the desire and require the inquire MOTIVATION people.
Kisses, and thank you for taking a peep into what being 13 felt like for me.
Trust me, Grace surely has epic stories! So enjoy.
GRACE SPEAKS :
Whenever my mum prepped us for school, she'd always repeatedly say "Nobody's own is better than your own". I went to a high school with plenty children of the rich...politicians, business moguls and even people that came from za abroad, and then there was me, daughter of a civil servant, and you expect me to believe that I've got better stuff than they do? Hell na!
But hey! Someway somehow I believed I was the best. Being the star girl from nursery and primary school, and even junior secondary, I knew that if I didn't emerge the first position in my class, then It was simply out of deliberate laxity...after all, I don too carry first...make another person flex small.
The thing however is, no matter how confident I seemed to be, some of this peer pressure issues got to me, I just somehow figured out a good way around it. Mum never got me anything that was in vogue at the time. From my sports outfit to the all-stars sneakers, to the fancy stationeries, to my hairstyle and even when leggings first came out, she kuku dinnor buy for me.
Now to make matters worse, I wasn't allowed to handle cash. Mum would rather put snacks for short break and food for lunch in a lunch box and I was expected to carry it to school like a 5-year-old...oohh my daayyysss😭.
As a sharp girl that I am, I always managed to turn things around to suit me. Instead of following a trend when it came to getting dressed, I chose my own style...a character that has stuck till date. I found a way to style my hair a certain way, iron my uniform a certain way, and as for my lunch pack...well, my mum is a brilliant cook and so my friends enjoyed my meals with me, consequently, the lunch box became a life saver...more like a first aid box than some childish tag to run down my swag.
Unlike me, however, many people this age didn't/couldn't figure out a positive way to deal with peer pressure. It led to excessive borrowing or even stealing of other people's belongings and since my school didn't have so much population, it was easy to spot out who borrowed what and trust me, it didn't always end well.
At an age where your level of swag determines a whole lot of things, even down to the way staff and students address you, I don't exactly blame youngsters for their actions. Inferiority complex then becomes a thing and before you know it, a personality is ruined which sometimes is unredeemable.
I was privileged to have parents who found a way to make me understand that I needed to be confident and contented with what I have and that I didn't need any validation from anything or anybody. Peer pressure comes in different stages of life and with varying causes. More stories on that will be told as we move on with the series.
Dear reader, at age 13, what really put you under pressure and how did you find your way around it. It sounds stupid now right? I know. Tell me about the unthinkable things you did under pressure. I'll be waiting for you in the comment section.
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